22,075,000 seconds is how long the average human lives, according to a cursory scan of the internet.

In short, the clock is ticking. Time is killing us all.

But not to worry.

House prices have risen by an average 13.4% over the past year, according to the Nationwide June house price index.

So everything is hunky-dory.

Here’s what Robert Gardner, Nationwide’s Chief Economist, had to say about the figures (warning: a part of you will die inside when you read this) :

“Annual house price growth accelerated to 13.4% in June, the highest outturn since November 2004. Indeed, June saw the third consecutive month-on-month rise (0.7%), after taking account of seasonal effects.”

I mean, seriously? There are only 23 people left on the planet who use the word ‘Indeed’, and seven of them are in the nuthouse.

The real story here isn’t the fact that house prices have risen by 13.4% annually.

It’s that we pay attention to this garbage in the first place, and are not engaging in bacchanalian orgies, wringing pleasure out of every last second of the pitiful time we have left.

Placing value on things that have no meaning is, of course, common. House prices keep us occupied. They dull the deep existential terror within. Heidegger called it ‘Geworfenheit’, or ‘thrownness’.

But when we’re being licked by hell’s eternal flame, in the abode of the damned, we’ll be regretting every second that we obsessed about bricks and mortar.